Think for a moment, where do you focus your thought energy?
Are you looking at the road in front or backwards at what’s already behind you?
You wouldn’t drive your car looking only at what’s in the rear view mirror rather than the road ahead, that would spell disaster- most likely within seconds of starting your journey!
and yet so many of us go through life focusing on our past embarrassments😳, disappointments 😔, heartbreaks 💔, arguments 🤬 and more
Replaying these events in our mind increases the levels of our stress hormone, cortisol in our bodies. We engage our primitive, fight/flight brain which encourages us to always be on the look out, expecting the worst in every situation and guarding us against situations which are the same or even remotely similar, we pass up opportunities for fear that things might go wrong. That primitive part of the brain is obsessive and will have you replaying those thoughts and situations over and over in your head, studying them, dissecting every word and every look for hidden meaning.
This behaviour when repeated over time can lead to feelings of low self worth, low confidence, helplessness, even depression. No surprise really, I mean- whoever retold the story of a failed relationship and felt great for it?
No-one – that’s who!
So why do we keep doing it to ourselves?
Habit..if you consistently repeat a behaviour or action over a period of time it will become an automatic function. This applies to thoughts too, the more you exercise thinking in a particular way, in this case negatively – the easier it becomes!
There’s a great saying “Neurons that fire together – wire together”. When you consistently repeat a process or behaviour, you’re rewiring your brain, creating neural pathways. The more you repeat the same action the stronger that connection becomes and soon it’s gone from being a narrow woodland track that was tricky to manoeuvre down to an eight lane super highway with no obstacles to slow your journey!
Good news! Just as we can create habits we can break them too..
For a long time it was generally thought that to move on from troubling events of the past it was necessary to analyse them, pick them apart and get to the root of the matter, whether that be done individually, through conversations with friends and family or through some form of therapy. Some people feel that’s what works for them – and that’s great…but we’re not all the same.
People often come to me and list the various interventions and therapies they have tried over the years and there’s been a common theme…it’s worked for a short while but then they soon found themselves back at square one and sadly, quite often – worse than when they first sought help! They feel fed up with having to keep retelling the events of their past and want to try a different way. The solution focused approach that I practice is based entirely on the latest neuroscientific research and it flips that old belief of rehashing the past to resolve issues on its head. As the name suggests we use our sessions to focus on the solutions to the problem rather than the problem itself, sessions are respectfully lighthearted and most often there’s plenty of laughter too!
There are hundreds of different types of therapy available and it’s worth finding out a little on any that you might be considering trying. Most therapists will offer what’s called an Initial Consultation, these can be a telephone conversation, a video call, a face to face meeting lasting anywhere from 15 minutes to 2 hours depending upon the therapist.
These appointments are an opportunity to meet the therapist and see if you feel comfortable with them – I can’t stress how vitally important this is! It’s your chance to discuss how you would like the therapist to help you and what you would like to achieve from your sessions, to help you set a clear goal. You will find out how the therapist works, the methods they use, how they structure the sessions and a recommendation of how many sessions you might require along with how much it might cost should you wish to proceed.
I offer a FREE, no obligation Initial Consultation lasting up to 1 hour. These take place via Zoom video call, I use Zoom as it is GDPR compliant, secure and generally the most stable of the video platforms.
Feel free to get in touch by call or text to 07960 149455 or book an appointment by clicking:
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